Sarcastic Yet Legitimate NHL Logo Rankings

Mandatory Credit: Robert Mayer-USA TODAY Sports

In the spirit of the endless summer NHL Logo Rankings, I’ve written my own list. Of course unlike most, these include my requisite sarcasm. The logos themselves are not included but, as we’re all hockey fans here, try to do your best at recalling them. And by all means please feel free to agree or disagree as either way I don’t really care. Oh, and to the Original 6 Purists, old does not necessarily equal good. Sometimes, it just equals plain. Enjoy!

30. Carolina Hurricanes: I’ve seen break room coffee spills that have produced more coherent designs.
29. New York Rangers: The Rangers put less effort into coming up with their logo than Herb Alpert did in writing lyrics for his instrumentals.
28. Anaheim Ducks: If I didn’t know better, I’d say they just sewed the old Starfleet insignia sideways onto their jerseys.
27. Tampa Bay Lightning: Less inspired than the temporary tattoos Cracker Jack gave away in the 1970’s.
26. Florida Panthers: 10 Panthers leaping, 9 Ladies dancing, 8 Maids a-milkin’, 7 Swans a-swimming…
25. Nashville Predators: While their color scheme’s okay, their logo’s a bit long in the tooth. (Why yes, as a matter of fact that was the easiest joke I’ve ever written.)
24. Boston Bruins: Aesthetically-speaking, the B in their crest should stand for Boring.
23. Ottawa Senators: Looks like the Horseless Headman wearing a pencil eraser.
22. Philadelphia Flyers: Appears to be some sort of consonant roadkill.
21. Dallas Stars: Reminiscent of those carnival paper targets after the game’s contestant, though talented, wasn’t quite good enough to clear away the entire star.
20. Los Angeles Kings: Design-wise, this latest logo is not their crowning achievement.
19. Vancouver Canucks: It might have rated higher, but this was a lame attempt for team ownership to place a corporate logo on the ice. And as a huge Hartford fan, it was so nice of them to stitch a meaningless whale on their jerseys before the last shovel of dirt was thrown onto the Whalers’ grave. But I digress.
18. Colorado Avalanche: Looks like sweetened oat A’s in a river of milk. I can’t help but think that if there was a cereal called Colorado Avalanche, this would be the logo on its box.
17. Winnipeg Jets: For some unknown reason, their logo seemingly depicts someone launching a surface-to-air maple leaf at the Canadian Air Force.
16. Washington Capitals: I’m just happy that somebody, somewhere can prove they still know how to spell.
15. Toronto Maple Leafs: Look, I know what you’re going to say…but at least the Leafs’ acknowledge that their misspelling is intentional.
14. Edmonton Oilers: The logo that ‘fueled’ Edmonton to multiple Stanley Cups. (Whatever. You try writing 30 of these.)
13. New Jersey Devils: While creative in its simplicity, there’s no chance in hell that the Devils make it to #1.
12. Arizona Coyotes: It’s hard to tell if the coyote is howling at their lack of success, or lack of attendance.
11. San Jose Sharks: Even Steven Spielberg couldn’t make this shark intimidating.
10. Columbus Blue Jackets: This logo should be cannon fodder for their alternate version…Get it, Ohio?
9. Pittsburgh Penguins: It could not have been easy making a skating penguin look this cool.
8. New York Islanders: I mean really, what else could they do?
7. Detroit Red Wings: It is what it is. Talk about your truth in advertising.
6. Montreal Canadiens: A classic. It’s just that I thought a horseshoe was supposed to point up so the luck stays in.
5. St. Louis Blues: Of course when considering a list of the best of anything in ice hockey, how can one not immediately think Missouri?
4. Chicago Blackhawks: If their primary and shoulder logos switched places, they’d be #1 forever. Or at least until the Hartford Whalers return.
3. Minnesota Wild: If only their name was as great as their logo.
2. Buffalo Sabres: Hopefully, they soon won’t be drafting as high as their awesome logo ranks.
1. Calgary Flames: This logo is both literally and figuratively on fire!