Kick The Tires And Run...(photo: Bing)

Loose Cannon: The NHL And Car Insurance


I wonder how the NHL would be if they ran things like a car insurance company.  Especially of late, with all the head-shots and concussions.  So next season, can we expect our premiums or ticket prices to go up?  Will there be a “vanishing deductible” for those players who are lucky enough to not be hit in the head?  As if it’s their fault in the first place.  Can you imagine a rep calling Sid and saying, “Well, Mr. Crosby this is half your fault.  If you would’ve only stayed in bed today, none of this would’ve happened.”

Did His Value Suddenly Go Down After That Fender-Bender? (photo: SI vault)

So how much would the pay-out be for Sid?  He’s young, and a great player.  The potential is unlimited, and he’s popular.  But, you know how the insurance people are…collision with air-bag deployment (concussion) is not a good thing.  Value probably went way down….They’d probably try and replace Sid with some guy who plays recreational hockey and happens to wear black.  But it’s OK, he’s in his 20′s and has brown eyes.  They’ll throw in a stuffed penguin and call it square.  This guy has never had a head injury, so he is somehow, worth as much as Sid.

What about the static you always get if your car is an “older” car?  My car was considered an “old” car but it was in great condition and ran well.  It never gave me any problems.  What if say, Brodeur was injured?  Would the rep argue and insist on a low pay-out because he’s an “old” player?  Even tho, he’s one of the best out there and could go toe-to-toe with (pick any goalie) half his age?   If we embraced the car insurance way of doing things, if Brodeur got hurt (in any way) they wouldn’t consider fixing him.  Why bother? He’s an older player.  Doesn’t matter how tangible the worth is to everyone else.  You’d get a pay-out of a game day hat and pizza.

What if the Sedins were cars?  And you couldn’t go anywhere in your car without the side-car because it just refused to start if you didn’t insist on strapping on the extra?

One Won't Go Without The Other...(photo: Bing Images)

Can you imagine trying to repair or replace a Sean Avery car?  It would spend half the diagnostics time telling you that even he couldn’t figure out what was wrong and the rest spewing insults.  It would be shiny and nice but a real pain in the ass.  You may not be able to sell this car.

A Matt Cooke car would plow into every other unsuspecting car out there, like a bat out of hell and try to inflict major damage.  It would spend the rest of the drive home honking, “I’m sorry…I’ll do better…didn’t really mean that…don’t impound me…honk!”

An Adam Foote car would disappear whenever it suspected anything Blue Jacket.  If a Blue Jacket happened to own this Foote car, it would suddenly refuse to run.  I would suggest self-insurance when dealing with this kind of car.

…Just leave it by the side of the road take the plates and split.

Thanks for reading.  You can read me daily over at Fire That Cannon where I write about the best darn hockey team in Columbus!

Tags: Adam Foote Loose Cannon Martin Brodeur Matt Cooke Sidney Crosby Swan Avery The Sedins

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